Islamic Men Around the World

KureshiBhai

Myself, rather my whole family met KureshiBhai in our first and foremost journey to Ahemdabad... It was for my marriage ... he got into the train from an intermediate station near Ahemdabad ... either it was Bharuch or Baroda ... I don't remember now ... he used to work there ... first time in my life, I saw an Islamic man being so sophisticated ... and of course his Islamic background made him well mannered too ... later I came to know that he was from an engineering background ... really impressive ... our family interacted with him a little bit during the remaining journey  ... usual talk about the weather, his work, and the earthquake ... yes, there was a major earthquake that happened in Gujrat just 3 days before our marriage ... many died ... our families were safe ... everyone was in shock ... however the train journey ended and we all went our ways ... our marriage ceremony ended ... a few days later all Hiren's friends gathered at Ahemdabad residence for fun ... KureshiBhai also came ... his fiancee was accompanying him... Shayeesta ... beautiful couple ... everyone was teasing KureshiBhai and Shayeesta over their love... KureshiBhai had his Gujrati sense of humor ... he belived in bouncing back to his friends with his humor ... Gujrati's can be very picky about food, clothing, money, living standards in a casual fun-loving environment ... their sense of humor can be mis-understood as being "nosy"... however, since KureshiBhai's upbringing was from Gujrat, he was well aware of Gujrati style of casual/fun talk ... Anyways ... the whole group dispersed ... Hiren and I came to Bangalore ... joined our jobs ... KureshiBhai and Shayeesta got married in a few months ... we could not attend their marriage because we both had just joined jobs ... we heard later, that KureshiBhai and Shayeesta moved to Japan for KureshiBhai's work for few months ... days passed ... they both moved to MiddleEast for long ... now looking back at KureshiBhai makes me think that he is a progressive Islamic man ... its a challenge for a common Islamic man to make many Hindu friends and gel with them so frequently in India ... especially after 9/11, common Islamic men seem to have developed a complex ... given this background of Islam, KureshiBhai's effortless movement across Japan, MiddleEast and India really stands out ...  I wish him this progressive spirit for his life!

Masood

Through my guide in the German University, I came to know that I am going to work with him... I had mixed emotions in the beginning... Partly because of his Islamic background and partly because of the new-ness in the interaction... I initiated the chat... He was reluctant to talk to me, until I mentioned that my guide had asked me to talk to you ... We initiated the first video call ... I started by saying if he could let me know a little about his background ... he straight away cut me off ... and asked me to let him know about my background ... I immediately realized that it was his way to show, who is the boss over here ... Anyways ... that call was over ... and we decided to continue to work ... work went well ... I did not face any hurdles ... full cooperation from his side ... I was happy ... partly because I was learning new things and partly because my work was going smoothly without any inter-personal issues ... I have always found it very stressful to resolve inter-personal conflicts in the work environment ... when the project was towards its end, I went for a trip to Goa ... I sent a few photographs of me in Goa to him ... out of all the photos, he commented that "he liked the food" ... I realized that he was not interested in developing a close bond ... during that time, I was debating whether I should go to Germany to continue my PhD ... if it can speed up my PhD ... and whether I can earn some money there, to compensate my expenditure over studies, food and residence ... I felt the need to discuss this with the colleagues in Germany ... so I asked if he can spare some time over the call ... we got together on a call ... I asked him whether I can come over to Germany and whether I can find a job there ... his answer was "Is it not easy to find a job in India?" ... I was embarressed ... That was the first time for me to tell an outsider who is NOT a family, about personal issues ... the call ended ... and the work continued ... things were going well ... soon another project was going to start ... It was based on my idea ... the information gathering was going to start ... the first call was scheduled ... a new colleague was going to join ... I asked whether we could involve the guide in this discussion ... his response was, "the guide is not interested in such lower level project" ... I kept quiet ... we discussed the project ... information was gathered ... discussion ended ... the second project was completed ... no hurdles this time too ... excellent interactions to gather information ... no delays ... the third project started ... this assignment involved only me ... however some setup was needed to be done in Germany ... he did the setup ... promptly ... I did my work in a few months time frame ... and went for a Bangalore trip ... he asked me to send photographs ... for the first time, I got the vibe of attempting to build close bond ... from his side ... I was happy ... I sent some photos to him after returning back from Bangalore ... this time he asked more information about the photos ... showed interest in them ... I was happy ... then a few personal interactions continued where he sent some greetings for their festival celebration ... I replied with joy ... Work continued ... the fourth project ... it was with another colleague ... Masoud just touch base ... in case of any hurdles ... no hurdles this time too ... but this time he did a strange gesture in one of our calls ... an affectionate gesture ... I was taken aback ... I did not expect that ... but it gave me a strange vibe ... can't express it ... for me it was no issue ... just felt more close ... however I soon realized that this closeness is hollow in professional environment ... I realized it in the subsequent call ... when I had to ask for my further growth path in the university ... and he made yet another gesture ... the gesture for "money" ... in a way he wanted to ask me or rather convey me , that "growth just means 'money' for you ..." ... I said yes ... in a way it was true for me ... I was indeed looking for money ... by this time I had completed 3.5 years in German University ... working remotely ... there was no material gain in my life ... only work ... in isolation ... during this timeframe, I also faced issues with my guide ... I decided to quit the work ... there were a few months left for the year-end meeting in the university ... Masoud scheduled a call a couple of weeks before the meeting ... he asked me about the work ... I replied "I don't know why I am doing PhD ... " ... he made the "affectionate gesture" again ... probably was a "goodbye" ... I did not realize it that time ... the year-end meeting was over ... almost a week later Masoud called again ... asked me to submit the work I did ... I submitted ... and asked him to inform me if he received it rightfully ... no reply ... I realized it was "the end" of university life ... I continued my work at home ... remained engaged ... my mind constantly asked me "why? what was the significance of the last 4 years episode that took place in my life ..."... time will tell and time will heal ...

Ather

A young student from Pakistan whom I guided for his project in the German university... My initial interaction with him was in the presence of one more of my colleagues... during that interaction, I found that I will be comfortable working with him ... I asked for his phone number at the end... he gave his number ... Before I wonder about his number, he told me that I am from Pakistan ... I sensed a little hesitation behind the statement ... of course the whole India-Pakistan relations were in the background of that hesitation ... interaction ended ... work began ... in the beginning it was very hard for both of us to interact with each other ... partly because the work was new for both of us and partly because he was undergoing many non-work issues ... it was becoming difficult for him to keep his personal life separate from professional life ... his personal life was clouding his performance ... which could otherwise be much better ... when I could not see an increase in performance in initial few interactions, I directly showed my anger to him... however, he was very polite and appreciated the fact that I could directly tell him what was bothering me ... I calmed down ... slowly, the unseen wall between us started clearing ... we could interact much better in about a couple of months... work continued ... after about six months or so, we found ourselves open about the issues which our countries were facing ... he started it first... it was an incredible experience for me to open up about the issues ... as we worked on the project more, I realized that he had a nagging feeling, that other colleagues are cornering him ... not cooperating him ... not helping him in any way...  he found himself completely relying on me for his performance feedback ... and unfortunately I had no authority to give feedback about him ... I found myself unequipped to handle that issue ... mainly because I personally had no work-related issues with other colleagues and I had no authority to state someone else's issues ... today if I think back, it looks like it was just his lack of confidence and inexperience that was bothering him ... nothing else ... and the lack of confidance was due to personal issues ... his personal issues were not allowing him to put efforts in skill development in early phase of his life ... which I sincerely wish could have happened ... he would have secured his future then ... however, the project ended ... on a bitter-sweet note on both sides ... I mean, I had my issues with the guide and he had his issues with the guide ... we both moved on, accepting the reality of work life ... thinking back I can't imagine the fact that there can be so much sensitivity between Indian and Pakistani students ... I can only wish for a reduced set of political issues in a student's life, which will help them grow beyond limits!